WHAT TO SAY WHEN SOMEONE TELLS YOU THAT THEY'RE NOT OKAY.

Picture this:

You've recently noticed that your friend seems a little off... you sense that they're a little distant, irritable, distracted or teary. And after a few days or weeks, you gather up the energy to ask them, "are you okay?" They pause, look at you and say, "not really..."

What do you say next?

Here are three follow up responses that we learn as therapists, which you may also find helpful in navigating these conversations.

Example #1

"I'm really sorry to hear that... and to be honest, I'm not sure what to say now."

Why this works: Often we tend to say nothing when we don't know what to say. But to the other person, your silence could feel dismissive, or like you don't care. Being honest and saying that you don't know what to say, helps the other person know that you're still present with them.

Example #2

"Thanks for telling me."

Why this works: For many of us, saying that we're not okay makes us feel really vulnerable. Just the simple act of saying "thanks" can let the other person know that you acknowledge their vulnerability and bravery in opening up to you.

Example #3

"I'm not used to conversations like this but I'm really happy to chat if you want."

Why this works: Firstly, you're stating your intentions and capacity clearly. But you're also allowing the other person to lead the conversation which offers them a sense of agency around how they manage their mental health.

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Thank you for caring about, and supporting the people around you! Please also remember to check in with how you yourself are doing too❤️

NB. If your friend discloses a plan to suicide, or you're worried about their safety or the safety of those around them, please contact emergency services on 000 or Lifeline on 13 11 14.

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This post has been adapted from our "RUOKAY" day post on Instagram earlier this year. Make sure to connect with us on Instagram too!